Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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