She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
