I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if only i could text you this smell
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
