no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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