Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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