Nicole vs. Life
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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