So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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