dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
