What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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