Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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