Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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