If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
