I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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