I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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