ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
