i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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