Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
