No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
