I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
