let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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