New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
