Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
