she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
