She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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