Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
