How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
