Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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