the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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