my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
