Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
NoShamevember. You game?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
