I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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