oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
