So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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