If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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