I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
