If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
