Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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