good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
