He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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