i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
