I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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