Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
