Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
