dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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