You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
