I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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