I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
