you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
