You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
