i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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