We won't sleep together?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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