I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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