the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
